Feeling Valuable Only When You Succeed

Sometimes we put something on a pedestal without even knowing it, we just see it as how we live our life. It became our value and limit to what is right, wrong, acceptable and not acceptable. Now the question is, what is your value on the pedestal? Is it still important for you?

It will be harder to judge when it presents itself (from your perspective) as something good. For me, it’s in a form of achievement.

Ever since I was a child I always took school seriously, meaning that I knew that if I study hard, get a good grade, and be at the top of the class is a good thing. Why? I got either praises or gifts from parents, teachers, friends, and family. So I keep going on until I don’t feel that it’s what my parents want me to do, it became my own value. It’s also what I want.

Not that I always have it easy at school or college though, I’m not a genius or always an A+ student. But I have my moments of low and high that made me realize how this value is also the source of my own pain.

I will be easily crushed by little failures and it was no longer because of my lack of work but it was because of me. As if I’m not smart enough or never feel smart enough, therefore, I need to do everything In my capabilities to show it.

It also influenced how I see other people, I always admire and like smart and intelligent people. Someone that I want to be. Not that there’s anything wrong by it, but again, I put them on a pedestal, I never feel like an equal, I can’t connect with these people. I always feel like my views or opinion is not adequate enough.

Look who doesn’t want to achieve success at work and every other part of your life? Again, not because it’s a bad thing rather does that become your way to value yourself?

The good thing that will come out from this belief is also that you will no longer be shaken so much from these ‘failures’ or other people’s opinions/judgment of you. Why? Because it’s not the whole aspect of yourself, and making a mess out of your day to day decisions are just the way it is in life, you can’t escape it.

So, next question is who are you without your achievement?

If you just strip yourself from all the wins or achievement, what makes your life purposeful?

How you treat other people, how do you help them? Are you a good friend, sister, and daughter? Are you a good listener?

How do you treat yourself? Are you doing things based on self-love?

I can go on and on about this. If you are curious about my answer, well that night I made a list of problems, anxieties, insecurities, and dreams and why they are important. It’s hard, I know, why do I want to be reminded of ‘problems’ on my good day.

The answer is because it’s important for me, it’s what always haunting me, what I think about constantly even when I don’t want to be dealing with them and running away.

What other purposes that is more important than that? Mind you it’s not a complaint list or something like that but it’s a practice to be self-aware of your challenges in life.

Another idea might be, vulnerabilities list. Though I know that it’s not that easy to consciously fill in these lists, in fact, it’s really scary. Now every time you said that you don’t have anything else to do, well you might be lying because we always have these lists to work on.

Let’s strip ourselves from our achievement together :)